so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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