btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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