just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm at about main and main street
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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