Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
