my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
