my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
