I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
