I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
