Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
