This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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