so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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