If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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