they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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