Christians are straight up FREAKS
only if we run a train.
done.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
