i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
