omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
barbara walters just said penis...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
