In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
