He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she peed on how many people?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will be naked everywhere
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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