She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
