she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
