dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
