this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
