the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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