No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
