Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
