You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
