Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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