4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
