OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Alive.
So much puke
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
