You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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