i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
