We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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