good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
