Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
