Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
