she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
