sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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