If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
