yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
