I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
