Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
