My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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