do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
