I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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