I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
