Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
