Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
