Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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