why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
