If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
