dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
