mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
