the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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