what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
