Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
